Why Do Youths Kill Themselves?

Youth suicide is a growing concern in Singapore, with increasing numbers of young people overwhelmed by pressures they struggle to cope with. Hopelessness plays a critical role, as many youths feel trapped in situations they perceive as unchangeable. To prevent these tragedies, it is crucial for families, schools, and communities to foster open communication, ensuring that young people feel supported and understood in their struggles.

Key takeaways

  • Hopelessness is a key predictor of youth suicide—young people often feel overwhelmed by life stressors and lack coping mechanisms, leading them to believe there is no escape.
  • The accumulation of pressures—such as academic stress, romantic rejection, family issues, and identity struggles—can push vulnerable youths toward suicidal thoughts.
  • Open communication and support from families, schools, and communities are critical to preventing youth suicide, helping young people feel seen, heard, and understood.

Posted on 4 Oct 2024

Written by
Dr Jared Ng, Connections MindHealth

The heartbreaking rise in youth suicides in Singapore is impossible to ignore. In 2023, nearly 30% of suicides involved individuals under the age of 29, with an alarming number – almost one-third – being children and youths between the ages of 10 and 19. Suicide has tragically become the leading cause of death among our youth, surpassing accidents and illnesses. This devastating reality forces us to confront the intense pressures that many of our young people face every day.

Though the media often refrains from reporting youth suicides, perhaps out of concern for contagion effects or protecting vulnerable individuals, those of us working in mental health witness this silent epidemic. These cases are not just confined to adolescents; even children in primary school are not immune. Behind every statistic is a young life lost, and with it, a family and community left grieving, searching for answers.

The youths who take their own lives often appear to be thriving—excelling academically, socially, and physically. Yet beneath this veneer of success can lie a deep, unnoticed despair that ultimately becomes too much to bear.

youth suicides in singapore
The interplay between hope and hopelessness is crucial in understanding youth suicides.
How Hope and Hopelessness Influence Youth Suicide

Hopelessness is a significant factor in suicide risk across all ages, representing a profound state of despair where individuals feel trapped in an unchangeable situation, with suffering that seems endless. This overwhelming sense of hopelessness can lead to the belief that death is the only escape, making it one of the strongest predictors of suicidal behavior. When hope is lost, the risk of suicide dramatically increases.

For young people, hopelessness often stems from life stressors they perceive as insurmountable. Unlike adults, children and youths typically have less experience dealing with complex emotional challenges and may lack the coping mechanisms needed to navigate their despair. Additionally, their natural impulsivity can exacerbate the situation. Young people are more prone to making rash decisions in moments of intense emotion, often without fully considering the consequences. This impulsivity, combined with feelings of hopelessness, can dangerously heighten the risk of suicide, as a young person may act on suicidal thoughts suddenly, leaving little opportunity for intervention.

The interplay between hope and hopelessness is crucial in understanding youth suicides. Hope is a vital psychological resource that begins to develop early in childhood. It starts to form in infancy when a child learns to trust their caregivers and becomes more established around ages 3 to 5, when children develop a sense of purpose and the ability to envision a positive future. However, as children grow older and face more complex social and academic pressures, their sense of hope can be threatened, especially if they encounter repeated failures or rejection. When these pressures become too great, and the child or youth sees no way out, hope can be replaced by hopelessness.

As a parent, it’s essential to understand that even the most successful children can struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Despite outward appearances of success, some youths battle intense internal pressures, setting impossibly high standards for themselves. When they fail to meet these expectations, the resulting feelings of hopelessness, compounded by impulsivity, can lead to a dangerous downward spiral.

Understanding the fragility of hope in our young people is then crucial to grasping the triggers behind youth suicides. But what are these pressures that push them beyond the brink?

academic pressure in Singaporean children
Academic pressure is another recurring theme when young people talk about their stressful situations.
Understanding the Triggers Behind Youth Suicide

Through my practice, I’ve encountered many young individuals overwhelmed by circumstances they don’t know how to navigate—circumstances that drive them to contemplate, or even attempt, suicide. One case that stands out is that of a 12-year-old girl whose parents discovered a suicide note hidden in her pencil case. She had poured out her feelings of profound loneliness, all stemming from the rejection of a crush whom she saw as her ‘true love.’ When she tried to talk to her parents about her heartache, they dismissed her emotions, telling her to focus on her studies instead since she was not doing well. For her, this response deepened her isolation. In her note, she expressed that she felt like a burden to her family and believed they would be happier without her. (For the record, this child is alive, and with the support of her parents, she is now receiving the care she needs and is on the path to healing.)

This case, like many others, reminds us that youth suicide is rarely the result of one factor. It’s often an accumulation of pressures—romantic rejection, academic stress, family dynamics, and more. And while romantic relationships are an important part of adolescence, young people’s sense of self-worth is often tied to many areas—be it friendships, peer acceptance, or family approval.

As a mental health professional, cases like this weigh heavily on me. They reinforce how critical it is to listen to our children, even when their struggles seem small to us. This experience, and countless others, have deeply influenced my approach to treating at-risk youths. I’ve learned that what we might dismiss as “typical teenage angst” or fleeting concerns can be the very thing pushing a young person to the edge. Every cry for help, no matter how subtle, deserves to be heard.

I often ask myself, “What can we do better?” or “What more can be done?” In my years of practice, the answer has always come down to fostering connections—helping young people feel seen and heard before their pain becomes too overwhelming to manage. These stories shape the way I approach my work and emphasise the importance of never underestimating the emotional lives of our youths.

Youth suicides are rarely caused by one isolated factor. It’s usually the accumulation of stressors—romantic rejection, academic pressure, and more—that can push a young person beyond their breaking point.

Family disputes causes emotional distress in children
Family issues, particularly parental disputes or divorce, can also contribute to emotional distress.

Romantic rejection, particularly a first heartbreak, is one of the most common and emotionally intense triggers for young people. Adolescents often experience their first romantic relationships with immense intensity, and when these relationships end, it can feel like the end of the world. Many young people’s sense of identity and self-worth becomes closely tied to their romantic relationships, and a breakup or rejection can lead to overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, despair, and hopelessness. For some, this emotional pain can feel unbearable, especially when combined with other stressors in their lives.

Academic pressure is another recurring theme when young people talk about their stressful situations. Students often feel that their worth is tied to their performance, leading to immense stress. When combined with other stressors like friendship or family issues, the result can be overwhelming despair. We must also consider how these pressures interact with individual vulnerabilities, such as a predisposition to anxiety or depression, to fully understand why some youths are more affected than others.

Identity confusion is also a significant factor. Adolescence is a time of exploration, especially concerning personal identity, gender identity, and sexual orientation. For some, navigating these aspects of themselves can lead to significant distress, particularly if they feel unsupported or misunderstood.

Child abuse—whether physical, emotional, or sexual—can create overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and despair. Studies have shown that children who experience abuse are significantly more likely to develop mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, which are risk factors for suicide. The trauma from abuse can worsen hopelessness, making it difficult for these youths to see a future free from pain.

Family issues, particularly parental disputes or divorce, can also contribute to emotional distress. While not all divorces lead to emotional distress, the instability or conflict surrounding a family breakdown can be deeply unsettling for young people, potentially leading to suicidal thoughts.

It is important to understand that children and youths often face more than one stressor at a time, and these stressors can accumulate, making the situation feel even more overwhelming and inescapable. By recognising the complex interplay of mental health disorders, environmental factors, stressors, and individual vulnerabilities, we can better appreciate the depth of the challenges that many young people face.

Social Media’s Impact on Youth Mental Health

In a world where young people already face immense pressure, social media often amplifies their challenges. It’s not just a space for connection—it’s a constant stream of comparison, where vulnerable youths measure their lives against the carefully curated, often unattainable standards set by their peers.

Many of the young patients I’ve seen talk about how they feel ‘less than’ when scrolling through platforms like Instagram and TikTok. While these platforms can offer a sense of connection, they can also foster deep feelings of inadequacy. For youths already struggling with self-esteem or personal challenges, these comparisons can be devastating. The image of success, beauty, and happiness they see online becomes yet another unattainable goal—further driving feelings of worthlessness.

Cyberbullying is another significant issue that I have encountered in my practice. The anonymity of the internet allows bullies to harass others with little fear of consequences. Victims of cyberbullying often feel isolated and powerless, trapped in a cycle of psychological distress. The pressure to maintain a certain image online, combined with the fear of public humiliation, can push vulnerable youths toward suicidal thoughts as they see no way to escape the relentless negativity.

As a parent, it’s vital to engage in open conversations with your children about their online experiences. Rather than imposing strict bans on screen time, which may feel punitive, encourage your children to share what they see and how it makes them feel. Creating a safe space for these discussions can help them develop a healthy perspective on social media and reduce the impact of negative comparisons.

cyberbullying
In a world where young people already face immense pressure, social media often amplifies their challenges.
Supporting Those Affected: The Role of Postvention

Postvention, the support provided to those affected by a suicide, is a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of suicide prevention. The impact of a suicide extends far beyond immediate family members, affecting friends, classmates, teachers, and even acquaintances. In my own experience, I witnessed this firsthand when my daughter lost a friend after a fall from heights. I was heartened to see that the school had structured interventions in place to support classmates and teachers during this difficult time.

However, it’s important to remember that structured postvention processes often focus on those directly involved in formal settings, such as schools. Other social groups that are equally affected by the suicide may be overlooked. These include peers
from enrichment classes, playground friendships, virtual friend groups, and other less formal social circles. These groups can be just as devastated by the loss, and it is essential to extend postvention efforts to these communities as well.

Effective postvention can take many forms. Schools can start by providing immediate mental health support, such as on-site counselors, and creating spaces where students can talk openly about their grief. Peer support groups can also be invaluable in helping young people process their emotions together. Schools and communities should work to destigmatise conversations about suicide and loss, ensuring that students feel safe expressing their feelings without fear of judgment. Another critical step is offering long-term support—grief doesn’t disappear after a few weeks. Schools and community organisations should follow up with affected youths in the months after a suicide, helping them manage their ongoing emotions.

Just as important as support in schools is the involvement of families in the healing process. Parents and guardians are often a young person’s primary emotional support, and it is essential that they be part of the conversation. Family members should be prepared to discuss the loss in a way that is developmentally appropriate for their child’s age and emotional maturity. Younger children may not fully understand the permanence of death and might express their grief through behavior changes or play, while adolescents might need space to process their more complex emotions, often experiencing a heightened sense of vulnerability. Parents should create a safe, open environment where their child feels supported in sharing their feelings without fear of dismissal.

This is where age-appropriate conversations become so vital. Discussing suicide and loss with children and adolescents requires sensitivity, but it’s necessary to ensure they feel seen and understood. Younger children might need simple explanations, focusing on reassurance and security, while older youths may need a space to explore their feelings more deeply. It’s crucial for parents to acknowledge their child’s emotions, validate their pain, and provide ongoing support as grief evolves.

By providing compassionate and consistent postvention support, we can help those left behind heal from their grief and prevent further emotional distress. It’s vital to remember that postvention is not just about reacting to loss but about reinforcing the connections and resilience that can help prevent future tragedies. Families, schools, and communities must work together to provide a holistic, age-appropriate approach to support, ensuring no young person feels isolated in their grief.

preventing youth suicide together
Parents need to foster open communication, ensuring that their children feel safe to express their fears and anxieties.
Taking Action: Preventing Youth Suicide Together

Preventing youth suicide demands a collective effort. Families play a pivotal role in the well-being of young people. Parents need to foster open communication, ensuring that their children feel safe to express their fears and anxieties. This involves creating a home environment where emotional expression is encouraged and where children know they will be supported and not judged when they share their struggles. It’s equally important for parents to be aware of the signs of distress—such as changes in mood and behavior, withdrawal from social activities, or declining academic performance—and to be proactive in offering emotional support or seeking professional help when needed.

Schools must prioritise mental health by creating supportive environments that recognise the importance of emotional well-being alongside academic success. Schools should work to reduce the stigma of help-seeking and suicide prevention. Teachers and other staff need to be trained to identify signs of distress and intervene appropriately. Additionally, schools can incorporate programs that teach coping mechanisms and stress management skills, helping students build resilience in the face of challenges.

As a broader community, we must challenge the societal norms that contribute to the immense pressure on young people. This includes rethinking our definitions of success and ensuring that mental health resources are accessible and timely. Public awareness campaigns can play a significant role in changing perceptions about mental health and reducing stigma. Policymakers, too, have a crucial role to play in creating supportive frameworks that address the root causes of youth suicide—such as reducing academic pressure, combating child abuse, and regulating the impact of social media.

Addressing youth suicide is a daunting task, but by tackling the root causes, fostering communication, and creating supportive environments, we can help our young people find hope and resilience. Everyone has a role in this effort because, ultimately, it is the collective compassion and determination of the community that will make the difference.

Where to get help:
Mental Well-being
  • Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline: 6389-2222 (24 hours)
  • Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (CareText via WhatsApp)
  • Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
  • Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928
  • Tinkle Friend: 1800-274-4788
  • Community Health Assessment Team 6493-6500/1
Counselling
  • TOUCHline (Counselling): 1800-377-2252
  • TOUCH Care Line (For Seniors & Caregivers): 6804-6555
  • Care Corner Counselling Centre: 6353-1180
          Online Resources

          Navigating Children’s Grief: How to Help Them Cope

          In the face of childhood grief, Dr Jared Ng emphasizes the intricate and unique nature of children's responses to loss. Drawing on personal experience and professional insights, he underscores the importance of adaptable and observant parenting, acknowledging the diverse ways children navigate their emotions.

          Key takeaways

          • Supporting grieving children requires a delicate balance of empathy, insight, and patience. Parents should cultivate a compassionate space where children feel safe expressing emotions.
          • Open communication about sensitive topics, such as suicide, contributes to demystifying the subject and fostering an environment of trust.
          • Grief extends beyond immediate family and friends, impacting broader communities. Acknowledging and addressing grief in these larger circles is crucial.

          Posted on 25 Jan 2024

          Written by
          Dr Jared Ng, Connections MindHealth

          Our family recently experienced a situation that brought the topic of loss into our lives. Our daughter, who is 14, was faced with the sudden death of a friend, also 14. Though they met only once a week, the event was significant enough to stir reflections on mortality. At this age, children often first confront death with the passing of elderly relatives, like grandparents. The loss of a peer, a friend, introduces a different dimension to their budding understanding of life and death. This type of loss, unexpected and at a distance, subtly alters their developing concept of mortality, challenging their nascent understanding.

          As a psychiatrist and my wife as a child psychologist, we have guided many children and families through the grieving process. Encountering this with our own daughter, even from a step removed, has provided a unique perspective. This experience has been an insightful journey for our family, not one of deep personal grief for our daughter, but still a moment of learning and reflection. In this article, I aim to share thoughts and perspectives informed by our professional background and our family’s experience with this indirect encounter with loss. I hope to offer my views on the kind of support and guidance children might need when they face similar experiences.

          Navigating the Terrain of Childhood Grief

          In the wake of this recent tragic event, the distinct ways in which children and adolescents process grief have become more apparent within our own household. Each child’s reaction to grief is as unique as their individuality. Some might deeply feel the loss, exhibiting intense sorrow, tears, and a strong attachment to memories. Others may seemingly shrug off the loss with an indifference that can be puzzling, yet this too is a natural part of the spectrum of grief. It’s not uncommon for anger and frustration to surface as young ones try to make sense of death’s finality and apparent unfairness. Additionally, feelings of guilt can unexpectedly arise, haunted by ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’.

          Behavioral shifts often accompany their grieving. A child who was self-sufficient may start to regress, finding solace in old habits or seeking extra reassurance. On the flip side, some might adopt an air of maturity, trying to fill perceived gaps or taking on roles they think are left empty.

          These varied responses highlight that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to aiding a young person in grief. Their path through mourning is deeply personal, influenced by their comprehension of death, their bond with the person who passed, and their emotional and developmental stage.

          Our task as parents is to be observant and adaptable. This means not only hearing their words but also understanding their silences. It involves offering comfort without overwhelming, providing guidance without imposing, and letting the child navigate their grief in their way. Often, the most significant support we can provide is simply being there – a constant, reassuring presence that they are not alone as they journey through the complex emotions of loss and bereavement.

          Supporting Young Hearts in Times of Grief
          father supporting son through grief
          As parents and caregivers, shepherding our children through the turbulent seas of grief is a role that demands a mix of empathy, insight, and patience.

          Our part in their journey of mourning oscillates among being a compassionate listener, a source of comfort, and often, just a silent, supportive presence beside them.

          Fostering a Compassionate Space

          It’s vital to cultivate an environment where a child feels safe to express and explore their emotions. This involves being completely present, both in body and spirit. Active listening goes beyond hearing their words; it’s about noticing their non-verbal cues, understanding the emotions behind their silences, and the messages in their pauses. When our daughter was processing her friend’s death, there were moments when she retreated into quiet reflection (Well, she was never someone very expressive in the first place). Recognising these times as opportunities for silent solidarity, we sat with her, offering a comforting presence, understanding that sometimes words are unnecessary and might even disrupt the healing process.

          Navigating Openness and Privacy

          Encouraging honest communication while respecting a child’s personal space is a delicate act. After our daughter’s friend passed away, we gently invited her to share her thoughts and feelings. We wanted to create a natural and supportive setting for conversation, which meant that we did it away from her two brothers. She would definitely not want to talk about feelings or show any emotions if the brothers were around. Yet, we were equally mindful of her moments of solitude, understanding when she needed to be alone, maybe writing in her journal or listening to music that connected her to her friend. This balance allowed her to independently process her grief, with the assurance of our unwavering support at her beck and call.

          Respecting Teenagers’ Sharing Preferences

          Teenagers, amidst their journey towards self-discovery and independence, may prefer to confide in trusted adults or friends outside the immediate family circle. Honouring and facilitating this preference is key. This would mean arranging conversations with a beloved relative or a close family friend with whom the child feels more comfortable. This would provide the child with alternative avenues for emotional expression. Furthermore, encouraging her participation in peer support groups offered her the chance to connect with others experiencing similar emotions, fostering a sense of solidarity and understanding.

          Modelling Constructive Grieving Behaviors

          As adults, we’re the exemplars of healthy grieving practices. By sharing our own feelings of loss and the coping strategies we employ, we guide children in acknowledging and expressing their grief. This can be through simple actions like discussing our emotions openly, participating in rituals to remember the loved one, or seeking support from friends or professionals. This approach underscores that reaching out for help is a sign of courage and an integral part of emotional resilience.

          For example, we might share our feelings about the loss (“I feel a deep sense of loss too, it’s natural to be sad”) or engage in remembrance activities, like lighting a candle or browsing through photo albums. These actions provide a tangible framework for children to articulate and process their grief.

          In essence, our role in guiding children through grief involves creating a nurturing space where their emotions are acknowledged and respected, balancing openness with privacy, and demonstrating healthy ways to grieve. By doing so, we not only assist them in navigating their current loss but also empower them with the emotional tools to face future challenges.

          Guiding Young Minds Through Discussions on Death and Loss

          Facilitating conversations about death and loss with children requires a thoughtful blend of candor, sensitivity, and a keen awareness of their developmental stage and emotional capacity. In our household, given my professional expertise, we’ve adopted a relatively open stance towards discussing challenging topics, including suicide. I recognise, though, that this level of openness might not be typical in many families, where such discussions are often circumvented or shrouded in ambiguity.

          Tailoring Explanations to Age and Understanding

          When broaching the subject of death, especially in cases of sudden loss like the one involving my daughter’s friend, it’s crucial to provide explanations that are clear and suitable for the child’s age. For younger children, this may involve using simple, straightforward language (“She passed away because her body stopped working and couldn’t be fixed”) and steering clear of complex details. With teenagers, the dialogue may evolve into more profound discussions about life, death, and mental wellness.

          Anticipating and Responding to Emotional Reactions

          Expect and be prepared for various emotional reactions, ranging from sadness and confusion to anger or apathy. Each response is valid and should be met with empathy and reassurance. It’s essential to create an environment where these emotions can be expressed freely and without judgment.

          For instance, if a child shows sadness or becomes tearful during a discussion about death, offer them comfort through physical affection or supportive words (“It’s completely okay to cry, I’m right here with you”). If they express anger or confusion, acknowledge their feelings and propose to explore them together (“I see you’re really upset about this. Would you like to talk more about your feelings?”).

          Approaching the Subject of Suicide

          Discussing suicide with children demands a particularly careful and sensitive approach. In our family, the subject of suicide is openly addressed, a practice stemming from my professional engagements. My children have been exposed to discussions on this topic during my Zoom lectures and online meetings, creating an atmosphere where suicide is recognised as a critical, though difficult, topic.

          For instance, following one of my lectures, my son approached me with questions about why someone might contemplate suicide. This led to a conversation about mental health, the importance of seeking help, and how overwhelming emotional pain can be. These discussions, albeit challenging, have been pivotal in demystifying the topic and fostering an environment of openness and trust.

          I am aware, however, that this level of frankness is not standard in all homes. In many communities, suicide is still a taboo subject, often enveloped in stigma and misunderstanding. It’s vital for families to break this silence and provide clear, accurate information. This can start with simple steps, such as acknowledging mental health issues and stressing the importance of empathy and understanding for those facing these challenges.

          For example, if a child hears about a suicide from school or media, it presents an opportunity to start a conversation. You might say, “It’s deeply saddening when someone feels such intense pain that they can’t see any other solution. It’s important for us to discuss these feelings and to remember that help is always available.” Such dialogues can lay the groundwork for a more informed and empathetic understanding of mental health and suicide in children.

          Emphasising the Value of Seeking Assistance

          It’s crucial to reinforce that seeking help is a sign of courage, not weakness. Foster an environment where open discussion about emotions and mental health is encouraged, making it clear that expressing feelings and reaching out to trusted adults, friends, or professionals is always a positive and brave step.

          mother helping daughter to cope with grief
          For example, you could say, “If you ever feel very sad or overwhelmed, it’s important to talk about it with someone, like me, a teacher, or a counsellor. Discussing our feelings is a healthy and courageous act.”

          In summary, guiding children through discussions about death and loss involves providing them with appropriate information, supporting them emotionally, and creating a space where difficult topics can be approached openly and with honesty. By doing this, we not only aid them in processing their grief but also lay a foundation for their emotional development and future coping mechanisms.

          Understanding the Ripple Effect of Grief in the Community

          The ramifications of a young person’s passing extend far beyond their immediate family and friends, affecting many in the broader community. This became evident to us following the loss of our daughter’s friend. The wave of grief wasn’t confined to her close classmates; it reached out to youngsters from her primary school, tuition centres, and other social circles. Within her secondary school, it affected the class teachers, CCA teachers, and school leaders. This wider impact is something that’s sometimes missed in the wake of such events.

          As caregivers and community members, recognising and addressing the grief in these larger circles is essential. They, too, deserve acknowledgment and support in their mourning. This could involve reaching out to former teachers, leaders of clubs or groups the deceased was involved in, or parents of other children who knew them. It’s about forging support networks that go beyond the immediate, understanding that grief doesn’t adhere to the limits of existing relationships or environments.

          By offering this extended support, we can help organise memorial events, support groups, or counselling sessions that include these broader groups. Providing resources and advice to adults within these networks also equips them to better support the children they look after. It’s a collective endeavor, a recognition that grief, in its various forms, impacts more individuals than we might initially comprehend.

          Conclusion

          In navigating the complex and varied paths of childhood grief, we, as parents and caregivers, play a multifaceted role. It’s a journey that calls for empathy, understanding, and patience, as we strive to create a safe space for our children to express and process their emotions. Whether it’s providing a listening ear, respecting their need for privacy, or guiding them in understanding and articulating their feelings, our approach must be as individual as each child’s experience of loss.

          By fostering open discussions, encouraging healthy emotional expression, and creating supportive networks, we not only aid our children in navigating their grief but also contribute to building a more empathetic and understanding society. This journey, though challenging, reinforces the importance of togetherness, compassion, and resilience in the face of loss, shaping a supportive community for all who are touched by grief.

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          • New Year, New Horizons: Balancing Resolutions and Mental Wellness

          New Year, New Horizons: Balancing Resolutions and Mental Wellness

          As we embark on the journey of setting New Year's resolutions, the first and perhaps most crucial step is self-awareness and reflection. This introspective process is more than a mere recapitulation of the past year’s events; it is an opportunity to delve deeply into our experiences, understanding our actions, reactions, and the motives behind them.

          Key takeaways

          • Embrace self-awareness through reflective practices to build meaningful and impactful resolutions rooted in personal growth.
          • Foster positive mental health by setting realistic goals, incorporating incremental objectives, and allowing flexibility in timelines.
          • Harness the power of community, involving others in your journey, to create a supportive network that enhances motivation, accountability, and the overall pursuit of objectives.

          Posted on 8 Jan 2024

          Written by
          Dr Jared Ng, Connections MindHealth

          As 2024 unfolds, it brings with it the tradition of setting resolutions—a practice steeped in hope and the desire for change. This ritual, while often viewed with optimism, holds a deep and intricate connection with our mental health. The journey of setting and pursuing New Year’s resolutions, as observed in experiences and stories, demonstrates how these personal commitments can significantly shape our mental well-being.

          A Family Conversation on Resolutions

          Over a family lunch on New Year’s Day, a casual conversation about resolutions unfolded into a meaningful dialogue about hopes and aspirations. Each of my children, in their unique way, shared their goals for the year, painting a vivid picture of their individual ambitions and the paths they hoped to tread. (Of course, I had to ask them…it’s not something they would bring up to their parents spontaneously!)

          The eldest, with his O-level examinations happening at the end of the year, spoke earnestly about his desire to achieve academic excellence. My wife and I told him that his goal, while commendable, was not just about grades. It was a journey involving self-discipline, time management, the balancing of stress and studies…essentially, hard work is needed. His resolution opened up discussions about maintaining a healthy mindset amidst academic pressures, and the importance of self-care in the pursuit of academic goals.

          Our daughter, with her own academic ambitions, aimed to improve her performance in school. Her resolution, though similar in nature to her brother’s, was uniquely hers. It brought to light different challenges she faced and her personal approach to overcoming them. Her goal emphasized the need for a tailored strategy that accounted for her learning style, interests, and how she could find joy and satisfaction in her educational journey.

          Our youngest, with the simplicity and enthusiasm characteristic of his age (and birth order), declared his intention to learn badminton (and beat everything else in the school). This resolution, while seemingly less academic, was no less significant. It underscored the importance of physical activity, not just for physical health but for mental and emotional well-being too. His goal reminded us of the joy found in learning new skills, the development of physical coordination, and the value of perseverance and resilience in sports.

          This family conversation highlighted the diversity of resolutions and the different forms they can take. It wasn’t just about setting goals but understanding the underlying motivations, the challenges they may present, and the personal growth they encourage.

          Self-awareness and Reflection: The Cornerstone of Meaningful Resolutions

          As we embark on the journey of setting New Year’s resolutions, the first and perhaps most crucial step is self-awareness and reflection. This introspective process is more than a mere recapitulation of the past year’s events; it is an opportunity to delve deeply into our experiences, understanding our actions, reactions, and the motives behind them. This understanding is the bedrock upon which meaningful and impactful resolutions are built.

          Woman reflecting by the side of the lake overlooking a mountainous range.
          Embrace self-awareness through reflective practices to build meaningful and impactful resolutions rooted in personal growth.

          Reflective practice involves looking back at the past year with a critical, yet compassionate eye. Ask yourself questions like: What were my achievements and why were they successful? What challenges did I face and how did I respond to them? Which habits served me well and which ones hindered my progress? The answers to these questions provide invaluable insights into your personal growth trajectory.

          Through reflection, we can identify what truly matters to us. Sometimes, in the hustle of daily life, our actions and goals may drift away from our core values. Use this time to realign. Do your resolutions resonate with what you genuinely value and aspire to in life? For example, if family is a central value, how do your resolutions strengthen family bonds? If personal growth is your focus, how do your goals foster this growth?

          Analysing both your successes and setbacks from the previous year is helpful. Successes teach us about our strengths and what strategies work for us. Setbacks, on the other hand, are not failures but lessons that help us grow. They pinpoint areas where we can improve and often reveal new paths or approaches we hadn’t considered before.

          The insights gained from self-reflection help in tailoring resolutions that are not only realistic but also deeply personal and relevant to your life. This customization makes the goals more engaging and achievable. If the past year showed you a newfound passion for health, perhaps a resolution might involve learning more about nutrition. If you discovered a tendency to overcommit, a resolution might be about learning to say no and prioritizing your time.

          Finally, reflection allows us to embrace change. As you reflect, you may notice how you’ve evolved over the past year. This realization is empowering and can fuel your motivation for the resolutions ahead. It reminds us that we are constantly in a state of becoming, and our resolutions are a testament to our commitment to continual growth and self-improvement.

          Setting and Navigating Realistic Goals for Positive Mental Health

          Setting realistic goals is vital for fostering positive mental health. It involves balancing ambition with practicality, ensuring that goals are challenging yet achievable based on one’s current abilities and life circumstances. This balance prevents feelings of frustration and inadequacy associated with overly ambitious goals, as well as the lack of stimulation from goals that are too easily attainable.

          Setting goals for the new year 2024
          Foster positive mental health by setting realistic goals, incorporating incremental objectives, and allowing flexibility in timelines.

          In the context of personal or professional development, it’s crucial to set incremental objectives. For instance, in improving physical health, instead of immediately training for a marathon, a more manageable goal for a beginner might be to start with shorter runs and gradually increase the distance. This approach not only makes the goal more achievable but also mitigates the risk of injury and burnout.

          Similarly, in professional development, rather than aiming to land a top management position right away, a more practical goal for someone early in their career would be to seek gradual advancements. This could include taking on more responsibilities, seeking mentorship, or acquiring new skills. These smaller, more realistic goals pave the way for larger achievements while maintaining motivation and a sense of progress.

          When pursuing personal hobbies or skills, such as learning a musical instrument, setting a goal to become proficient within an unrealistically short timeframe can be discouraging. A more effective approach is to aim for smaller milestones, like learning a few chords or songs initially, and then progressing to more complex pieces. This gradual progression encourages a steady and enjoyable learning process.

          The timelines attached to goals are equally important. Unreasonable deadlines can create stress and pressure, negatively impacting mental health. Conversely, well-considered timeframes foster a sense of control and progress. Breaking down larger objectives into smaller milestones is a highly effective strategy. For example, in an academic setting, instead of focusing solely on a final exam result, setting milestones like completing specific chapters or mastering particular concepts can be more beneficial.

          Moreover, flexibility in timeframes is crucial to accommodate life’s unpredictability. Rigidity in timelines can lead to unnecessary stress, particularly when unexpected challenges arise. Allowing room for adjustment ensures that goals remain realistic and achievable, even in changing circumstances.

          The Power of Community: Involving Others in Our Journey

          The role of community in the pursuit of personal goals is profound and often underappreciated. Sharing our goals with others doesn’t just provide a support system – it creates a network of accountability and encouragement that can be pivotal in maintaining our mental health and in achieving our objectives.

          Supportive community huddling
          Harness the power of community, involving others in your journey, to create a supportive network that enhances motivation, accountability, and the overall pursuit of objectives.

          When we open up about our aspirations, we invite others to partake in our journey. This act of sharing can significantly bolster our motivation, especially during times when our resolve might wane. For instance, a person aiming to improve their fitness might find it beneficial to join a local running club or a workout group. The camaraderie and mutual encouragement found in such groups can transform a solitary endeavor into a communal experience, making the pursuit more enjoyable and sustainable.

          In a family setting, discussing resolutions can strengthen bonds and build a sense of collective purpose. When family members are aware of each other’s goals, they can offer specific support, celebrate milestones together, and even collaborate on shared objectives. This involvement creates a nurturing environment where each person’s goals are valued and supported, reinforcing the feeling of being part of a team.

          In the workplace or among friends, sharing goals can also foster a supportive atmosphere. Colleagues and peers can provide valuable insights, advice, and encouragement. They can serve as sounding boards, offer different perspectives, and share experiences that might be helpful. This level of engagement not only enriches the journey towards achieving a goal but also contributes to a sense of belonging and community.

          Moreover, involving others in our goals can lead to new connections and opportunities. Networking with people who share similar interests or objectives can open doors to resources, knowledge, and experiences that we might not have encountered otherwise.

          In addition to providing motivation and support, the community also offers accountability. Knowing that others are aware of our goals and are cheering us on can be a powerful motivator. It adds a layer of responsibility and commitment to our endeavours, pushing us to stay on track and strive towards our objectives.

          Perseverance and Resilience: Learning from Setbacks

          In the journey toward achieving our goals, encountering setbacks is a universal experience (Just think of how many times you had the same resolutions each year because nothing much happened for the last 300-something days). These moments, often perceived as obstacles, are actually pivotal in fostering resilience and self-compassion, two critical components of mental health. Recognizing setbacks not as failures but as valuable learning opportunities can transform our approach to challenges and enhance our ability to persevere.

          This mindset of growth and learning is vital in building perseverance. When faced with setbacks, the key is to engage in reflective thinking. This involves analysing what led to the setback, what can be learned from it, and how strategies can be adjusted moving forward. Such reflection turns challenges into lessons that inform our future actions and decisions. For instance, if someone is struggling to maintain a new exercise routine, a setback can be an opportunity to re-evaluate and perhaps find a more suitable type of exercise, adjust the frequency of workouts, or identify and overcome barriers like time management.

          Positive text on a wall
          Build resilience by embracing setbacks as opportunities for growth and maintaining a positive attitude in the journey of self-improvement.

          Developing resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks, is equally important. This involves maintaining a positive attitude and understanding that setbacks are not reflections of personal inadequacy. It’s about embracing the journey, with its ups and downs, and recognizing that each step, regardless of direction, is part of the process of growth. Resilience is nurtured through experiences of overcoming difficulties, and it empowers us to face future challenges with confidence.

          Self-compassion plays a crucial role in this process. It’s about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend in similar circumstances. Practicing self-compassion means acknowledging that setbacks are part of being human and not indicative of our worth or potential. This approach helps in mitigating feelings of self-criticism and disappointment that often accompany setbacks.

          Furthermore, sharing our challenges with others can be incredibly beneficial. It not only provides emotional support but also helps in gaining different perspectives. Others can offer advice, share their own experiences of overcoming similar obstacles, or simply provide a listening ear. This shared experience can be a powerful source of comfort and encouragement.

          Incorporating Mental Health Goals: Prioritizing Inner Well-being

          Well, as a psychiatrist, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of integrating mental health objectives into our New Year’s resolutions. While goals often focus on physical health, career advancement, or skill development, prioritising our mental and emotional well-being is equally crucial. This year, let’s make a conscious effort to set resolutions that nurture our mental health, recognizing that a healthy mind is foundational to achieving all other goals.

          Mental health is an integral part of our overall well-being. It influences how we think, feel, and behave in daily life. By setting mental health goals, we acknowledge its significance in our lives and take proactive steps towards maintaining and enhancing our mental state.

          Mental health goals can vary widely, depending on individual needs and situations. Here are some suggestions for mental health resolutions:

          1. Practicing Daily Meditation: Commit to a daily practice of meditation. Even a few minutes a day can significantly reduce stress, improve concentration, and promote a sense of peace and well-being.
          1. Seeking Therapy: If you’ve been contemplating therapy, make this the year to start. Therapy can provide invaluable insights into your thought processes, behaviors, and emotions, helping you navigate challenges more effectively.
          1. Regular Mental Health Check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins with yourself or a mental health professional. These check-ins can help monitor your emotional state and identify any areas needing attention.
          1. Learning and Practicing Self-Care: Dedicate time to learn and practice self-care activities. Whether it’s reading, taking a relaxing bath, or spending time in nature, find activities that replenish and rejuvenate you.
          1. Improving Sleep Habits: Set a goal to improve your sleep habits. Quality sleep is critical for mental health, affecting mood, energy levels, and overall cognitive function. One of my friends just sent me an article about the link between sleep and brain connectivity! Read here.
          1. Building Emotional Resilience: Focus on building emotional resilience by engaging in activities that strengthen your ability to cope with stress, such as mindfulness exercises, journaling, or developing a gratitude practice.
          1. Reducing Screen Time: Aim to reduce screen time, especially before bedtime. Excessive exposure to screens can impact mental health, disrupting sleep patterns and increasing feelings of anxiety and depression.

          Incorporating these mental health goals into our New Year’s resolutions is not just an option; it’s a necessity. By doing so, we not only improve our mental well-being but also enhance our capacity to achieve other goals. Remember, only with a healthy mind can you better navigate life’s challenges and embrace its opportunities.

          Conclusion

          In conclusion, as we embrace “New Year, New Horizons,” the journey of balancing resolutions with mental wellness becomes deeply personal. Family conversations, self-reflective practices, and commitment to realistic goals all play a vital role in shaping this experience. By involving our community and learning from setbacks, we foster a support system that nurtures resilience and growth.

          As a psychiatrist deeply invested in mental health, I advocate for integrating mental well-being into our resolutions. This approach isn’t just a professional recommendation; it’s a personal commitment to nurturing a healthy mind, essential for navigating life’s complexities.

          Let’s step into this new year with a focus on holistic growth, recognizing that our mental health is the cornerstone of fulfilling our ambitions and achieving a balanced, enriched life. Here’s to a year of meaningful progress and heartfelt transformations!